The Window

"She stood, in a room of crumbling plaster, pressed to the window-pane, looking up at the unattainable form of everything she loved. She did not know the nature of her loneliness. The only words that named it were: This is not the world I expected." -- Ayn Rand

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost . . . Or Are They?

I feel lost.

I used to think I knew exactly what I wanted out of life. Where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to be. Now, I don't seem to know anything.

I can't pinpoint when exactly this happened or why. All I know is that I'm questioning. Everything. Maybe I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Maybe I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's confusing and frustrating. I don't think I've ever doubted myself like I am now.

I like to think I'm a fairly normal person. Shouldn't someone normal know what they're doing? What they're feeling?

Maybe I'm not so normal after all. I'm a mess. I don't know what I'm doing or what all this stuff is that I'm feeling. Pain. Hurt. Fear of the unknown. Hope.

What I do know is that, right now, I'm wandering. And I'm not wandering with a purpose. Sorry, Mr. Tolkien, but I just don't agree with you right now. I would have a purpose, even if I was just meandering along.

For now, I just want to get in my car and drive or curl up with a friend. I suppose the dog will have to do. At least she won't tell anyone my secrets.

~Sydney

Book Review: The Awakening

Another book down! This is going to be a good reading summer. Yay!

I've neglected this poor book. I waited for it to come out in paperback and then put it aside so I could read Burned. I started reading it again last night and stayed up until 3:00 AM to finish it. (For those wondering, yes, this happens frequently.) It was worth the lost sleep.

The first book in this series, The Summoning, was interesting. It's about a group of teens in a special house that all have strange powers. For example, Chloe, the narrator, is a necromancer. All the teenagers are learning to use/control their powers. This was the basis of the first book: finding out what was going on and so on and so forth. I don't want to get too into it in case anyone decides to read them.

This book was better than the first, I thought. Chloe and Derek's friendship grew more, which I loved. (I'm secretly rooting for Derek and Chloe but I don't know how plausible that is . . .) Also, a great thing about these books is how vivid the scenes are. They aren't described detail by detail, but the way they're told makes you see everything. I really appreciate that in a book. Chloe grew more, learning to stand up for herself and making tough decisions. And more secrets were solved, thank goodness.

These books are kind of mystery-ish, so I don't want to give too much away. There's no vampires so it's okay to read them. I promise. They're definitely a good read if you like the supernatural and mysteries.

Happy reading!

~Sydney

Topic Tuesday: Someone Has to Say It

Welcome to another installment of Topic Tuesday! You can go look at Megan's here and Claudia's here. (I will add the links when they're posted.)

I always know people don't say everything they want to, whether it's to me or about something else. How many times have I purposely omitted a thought in my head? The repercussions for anyone, no matter who you are, are endless. What if I offend someone? What if it makes me look stupid? What if I lose a friend over it?

But the truth is, we all need to say it. Wouldn't you rather be told you look bad than go out thinking you looked good because your friends didn't say what they really thought? Wouldn't you rather stand up for yourself and tell people how they make you feel? That you won't take it lying down?

I know I'm being hypocritical here. These words are aimed at me just as much as anybody else.

How many times have you had those words on the tip of your tongue? How many times have you been so close to just saying what you really felt? For all of us wimps out there, there's someone who has found the guts we seem to be missing that allow us to say what we want. And I have no doubt they are happier people. They harbor no secrets and let everything out in the open. They can be themselves. How I wish I was like that. Maybe as I get older . . . wishful thinking.

Then there's always the age-old question: what if you don't say it and something happens? What if you never get to say it? What if some amazing chance passes you up?

Ever since we decided on this topic, this line from Grey's Anatomy has been stuck in my head on repeat:

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then, look around. Drink it in. 'Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."

I want to be an honest person. I want to tell people how I feel about them. I want my loved ones to know exactly what they mean to me. I want the world to know that I don't intend to be sucked in by its ideals. I want people to know, without a doubt, what I stand for.

I have things left to say. I have thoughts I want to share. I have confessions I want to scream to the world. I have secrets I want to let go of. Someone has to say it. "I love you." "Yes, you look fat." "Thank you for everything you do." "I don't agree." "I want you in my life." "That color doesn't work for you." "I can't bear the thought of losing you." "That's a stupid idea." "I don't want to live my life without you."

Someone has to say it.

I hope I can be that someone.  :)

~Sydney

Book Review: Burned

So, this book just came out yesterday. I went and got it last night, started reading this morning, and finished earlier this evening. (Can I just say how much I love doing that?) Anyways, this book is the seventh in the House of Night series. Yes, it is a vampire series, but it's one of the best ones out there. Very modern, funny references to the present. I love it.

I've been eagerly waiting for this one. The last one, Tempted, ended with such a cliff hanger that I was dying to find out what happened. And this one did not disappoint. At all.

Usually, the books are told from Zoey Redbird's point of view. She's a 16-year-old (actually I think she's older than that now) vampyre High Priestess. Here's what you should know if you haven't read any of these books: vampyres are chosen and marked by a designated . . . marker I guess you'd call him. When chosen, a sapphire outline of a crescent moon appears on the forehead and marks the person as a vampyre fledgling. They then have to go to the nearest House of Night or risk dying from the changes that have started in their body. The House of Night is a school where vampyres go to learn they ways of the Vampyre Order and how to be a vampyre, etc. There's a lot more that goes into this but, you should just read the books. It's really worth it.

So, I guess I should warn that nothing much will make sense from here on out unless you've read the books, but feel free to keep reading or not.

Anyway, this book follows a lot of different people who've become extremely important to the story. Zoey's soul is shattered, Stark is desperately trying to save her but the only solution seems to be dying which would only crush Zoey further. Aphrodite has now received more powers from the goddess Nyx, even though she doesn't want them. Stevie Rae is still Imprinted with Rephaim, the most valued son of the enemy Kalona. Neferet is still manipulating everyone, including the fallen immortal Kalona, making it hard for Zoey's friends to make much progress in their quest to stop her. I could go on and on. Basically, problems are everywhere.

This installment didn't disappoint. You got to learn so much more about these characters you've fallen in love with. All the narration was still true to the story and characters the authors have created through the series. This one may have been my favorite. It focused a lot on the hope and love of the characters. I absolutely adored that. The last few have been all frenzy and action and fighting. Don't get me wrong, I love that, but I've been waiting for things to calm down a little bit. I know from the paragraph before, it sounds anything but calm. But a lot of little side problems were solved and it was just nice to see everyone come together to help Zoey.

Okay, I'm rambling now . . .

If you get anything from this, it's that if you pick up this series, you won't be disappointed at all. It's awesome. If you're already reading this series, this is the best book so far. Get it as soon as you can and start reading!

I'm not even going to hint at the ending.

Happy reading!

~Sydney

Topic Tuesday: 50 Random Facts About Me

 

Today's topic was chosen by the lovely Claudia. It's a bunch of random facts about me. Let's see if I can come up with 50 things you might not know about me.

1) I'm short. Really short. I don't even reach 5 feet.

2) I love dark, disturbing things. Tim Burton is one of my favorite movie-makers. (Note: this does not mean horror movies or haunted houses or anything like that.)

3) I don't like getting roses. If a guy gives me roses, I'll probably kick him out the door.

4) My favorite color is green. Pretty much any shade.

5) I like to write. A lot. Most of my hard drive is occupied by word documents of my stories.

6) I was obsessed with Nsync. I even knew ALL the dances they did to their songs. Still do.

7) I've played violin for 11 years. I was in orchestra all through elementary, middle, and high school.

8) I like to crochet. Don't care if people think it's for old ladies. You can do some cool stuff.

9) I made Alyssa fall in love with the song "What Hurts the Most" ;)

10) I'm super clumsy. I fall up the stairs almost every time I go up them.

11) I like to shove myself into small spaces, ie. the dryer, windows, cabinets, curled up in a little chair

12) I love blue Powerade. I used to drink it everyday my freshman year.

13) One of my nicknames is Nemo because, on a school music trip to Disney World my junior year of high school, all I wanted to do was ride the Nemo ride. I practically ran to it and then bounced the whole time we were in line while quoting the movie. My friends never let me live it down. (Plus, it is one of my favorite Pixar movies.)

14) I have a fascination with glow sticks.

15) I swing dance, with all the flips and everything.

16) I have a girl crush on Sandra Bullock and Meryl Streep.

17) My food can't touch on my plate. It all has to be separated. If it's not meant to be mixed together, I don't want it to be contaminated. If it touches, I don't eat it.

18) I'm allergic to sunblock. No, that is not a joke.

19) I'm addicted to my iPod. I feel absolutely lost without it. I'd rather have my iPod than my phone.

20) I still have my baby blanket. It's holey and falling apart, but I can't sleep without it.

21) The amount of books I read is insane. I tried to count all the books I read last year and had to stop around 110. (And last year I felt like I didn't get to read that much.)

22) I collect postcards. They can be sent to me or I buy them when I'm on vacation

23) I organize my cash in my wallet. It all has to be facing the same way, in numerical order.

24) I can watch a movie once and quote all the lines. My dad and brother can do this too.

25) I'm quiet and shy. I like to stay in the corner, unnoticed.

26) Pertaining to #25: I can be loud and crazy, but only if I feel comfortable around you.

27) I'm extremely sarcastic. And most of the time, people don't recognize it as sarcasm. Go figure.

28) Most people underestimate my strength just because I'm little. Needless to say, they're really surprised when I can fight back or lift heavy things.

29) I love college football and baseball, but don't ask me to watch any other sports.

30) I can unwrap Starburst in my mouth and the wrapper is still in one piece.

31) I'm a water snob. I can't drink tap water and I only drink certain brands of bottled water.

32) I take the cheese off my pizza when I eat it.

33) I love frozen grapes. My roommates think it's weird.

34) My favorite board game is LIFE even though every time I play I end up with too many children to fit in the car.

35) I have a scar right down the middle of the roof of my mouth that I can feel with my tongue from oral surgery.

37) I love Mythbusters!! I can watch marathons of it without losing interest. Yeah, I'm a geek.

38) My favorite cereal is Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Fruit Loops and Cap'n Crunch are a close second.

39) I blast my music in the car when I'm alone or with certain people who I know can handle it.

40) I love Target.  <3

41) I really wish I could play piano and acoustic guitar.

42) I blush really easily.

43) I love to cook and bake, even though I don't do it a lot.

44) I'm a grammar and spelling Nazi. I want to be an editor.

45) I hate wearing shoes. I prefer being barefoot or flip flops.

46) I can pop my left pinky in and out of its socket. It grosses Alyssa out which makes it more fun to do.

47) I have a deadly fear of needles. Just thinking about them makes me nauseous.

48) I'm a speeder. Big time. The bad thing is sometimes I don't even realize how fast I'm actually driving.

49) I love musicals and I'm not afraid to admit it.

50) I have the funniest sneezes that everyone makes fun of. They say it sounds like a mouse.

That was extremely hard to get to 50. But I got there! Leave me a comment :)

You can read Megan's here and Claudia's here. Enjoy!

~Sydney

Change In the Air

The semester is almost over.

Thank freaking heavens!

I'm not going to lie. This semester has been one of the roughest periods of my life. We got screwed over with our living and social arrangements. How so, you ask?

Well, Alyssa and I chose Liberty Square to move to last year because we had heard it was very social and that we would love it. They neglected to mention that the apartment we moved into is separate from the rest of Liberty Square and in a ward separate from the rest of the tenants. Seriously?? Our ward is made up of all these random houses that span across south campus. The average age in our ward is probably 22 or 23.

And for those of you saying to get out and go meet people - look at who you're saying that to.

I am not an outgoing person. If you put me in a social situation, I'll do my best, but otherwise I'm not the best at seeking out such situations. Needless to say, it was a lonely year for me.

If you know Provo, you know that it's practically the dating capital of the world. Not even kidding. In fact, one of my roommates will be married in less than a week. (Scary thought.) I was the only roommate who didn't date or have a significant other. It's never bothered me before. On some level it still doesn't bother me. But around so many couples, it's hard to remember it's okay to be single. I can't wait to be back in California where I won't feel like such the odd woman out.

I don't know how many times this semester I've called my mom, crying and begging her to let me come home. Now that I've reached the end, I have to say I'm grateful she made me stick it out. I have two years of college under my belt and all that's left is to take my English classes. Graduation may be in sight.

So, yes, this semester has been hard. I've struggled with myself, with other people, with beliefs that have been tested. I think there may have been more drama in my life during this semester than the rest of my life. I haven't handled all of it perfectly. There have been successes and failures. But it's all part of life. I can only learn as I go and use the experiences I've had this semester to do better.

But change is in the air.

I can feel it. Deep down. I'm excited for what is coming, and I haven't felt that in a long time. I get to go home. I get to be around my family and my best friends. I honestly can't wait. I can taste the joy and freedom that is coming my way. Life is going on and I couldn't ask for anything better.

I don't know what exactly lies ahead for me. But what I do know is that it is going to be a good change. I'm determined it will be.

Change.

I can't wait to embrace it.

~Sydney

Book Review: Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

I bought this book on Tuesday. I still have gift cards to Barnes & Noble and I needed something new. I went with the intent of getting some light, non-mythical book. Of course, I can't seem to stay away from vampires, even when I try to. I kept looking and looking, but nothing sounded good.  Then, I pulled this one out and it caught my attention. But I wanted real life, not vampires. Right when I'm about to put it back, an employee walks by and asks if I need any help. I politely declined, but she stopped, seeing the book in my hand, and asked if I had read it. I told her no.

"You'll love it. Did you like Twilight?" I nodded. "Then you will definitely like this one. The narrator is so funny. My sister's read it at least 10 times."

Well, that sealed the deal and I gave in. I read the whole thing yesterday. No, it's not a super short book. I think it's around 350 pages. But, for those who don't know, this isn't unusual. It's not uncommon for me to sit down and finish a book in a matter of hours. I'm a fast reader. Anyways, I hid out in my bedroom and was easily lost to the story.

The story is about Jessica (big surprise there) and the events of her senior year. She's got her best friend, her crush, and her plans for college. Then, this Romanian stranger shows up who claims he's a vampire and so is she. Not only is she a vampire, but she's a Romanian vampire princess. When she turns 18, they must get married to fulfill a pact made by their parents when they were born that would bring peace to their warring clans. Of course, Jessica doesn't want any part of it.

I was actually very pleased with it. Jessica is not "so funny" as the salesperson claimed. I actually found I could really relate to her and understood what she was going through, if you will. Lucius, the Romanian vampire prince, was quite intriguing. Not a lot of brooding, "I hate what I am," poor woe is me nonsense. He was perfectly happy being a vampire. In fact, he was quite arrogant and self assured for most of the time. I loved it. As much as he infuriated me, I loved him. And when he does brood, it's not for the typical reasons. It takes turns I didn't expect and doesn't stick to a lot of cliche vampire plots. I giggled and, yes, I cried too. If you're looking for something not too heavy, it's a great read.

~Sydney

Picture Post: Spontaneous Saturday

So, Saturday was a lovely day. Megan had a few errands to run and asked if I would like to accompany her. I said yes, especially since I had to go get "New Moon" on DVD. We ended up having a blast walking around the mall and eating In'n'Out and watching "New Moon" and "Mamma Mia" and just being girly. So here are a few pictures that came out of the day.

Leaving the mall!

Too funny to not take a picture of!

Megan and In'n'Out. Thank you for building one here!!

Look how cute she is waiting for her food.

Yessssss!

This is a little bit of Heaven!

It looks like I'm trying to shove the whole thing in my mouth . . . I'm not. Just taking a bite.

Megan caught a pic of me running and dancing in the parking lot.

Helping Megan find some new jeans!

Driving. It was such a beautiful day!

Cupcakes!!!

Girls' day!

Megan enjoying her cupcake: raspberry chocolate cheesecake!

Watching "New Moon"

So, just a tad bit of craziness. Next up should be pics from my trip to Cali :) Love ya all!

~Sydney

Book Review: Water for Elephants

I just finished this book. Literally. Three minutes ago. I had to come share my thoughts. This book was superb. I haven't been reading much, but what a way to get back into it.

The story is about Jacob Jankowski, a ninety or ninety-three year old man. He is living in a rest home, reflecting on his days with the circus to get through what his life has now become.

So, the story is obviously focused on his time with the circus. At first, I was hesitant. It was recommended to me by a friend and after listening to her rant and rave about it, I gave in. I read the first few chapters one night, but couldn't focus enough, so I gave up. But I took it with me on my trip to California. I think I read a few more chapters on the plane out there simply to take up time. They were good, but I still wasn't seeing what was so great about it.

It wasn't until I was sitting in the airport to go back to Utah that I really got into it. I started reading to take my mind off the sadness of going back and I was hooked. I didn't even bother putting it back in my backpack when I got on the plane. I was devouring it and I couldn't put it down. It's been that way all week. I read every free second I had because I just had to know what happened.

This story is gritty and real. It doesn't focus so much on the circus as it does on Jacob's experiences. I laughed, I gasped, I cried. If you haven't read it, you need to. The author researched everything so you can be guaranteed that you're getting the most authentic experience you can. I was captured by Jacob and the way he saw his world and learned to work for himself. It doesn't shy away from uncomfortable topics. You've got to read this. It is wonderful.

And I hear they're making a movie out of it with Reese Witherspoon!

Now I have to find something else to read . . . .

~Sydney