First

I always seem to come in second.

I feel like one of the phrases I hear directed at me most is, "It's like you only exist when they need something."

I hate that phrase. I hate that people see me that way. And every time I try to point it out or make a stink about it, I find myself in a worse situation. I get caught between a rock and a hard place. Do I keep being the convenience friend or do I make myself a thorn in someone's side?

No matter what, I will always come in second. Or third. Or fourth. And so on.

Is it so wrong to want to be someone's first? To want someone to care about me before everyone else? Because that's what I find myself wishing for. I want someone to call my own, someone who will let me put them first and who will put me first in return. Someone who wants to jump to my defense or be protective and possessive of me because they love me. It seems like a selfish desire and so I feel bad wanting it. But still . . .

I want to be first to someone.

We Now Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Blogging

Hey everybody! So sorry for the radio silence from the blog. For some reason, Blogger decided to hate me and lock me out.

Cue the confusion and frustration.

I could get in to my account and title a post, but then it wouldn't let me type up the body. And no matter what I did - log out, log back in, restart my computer, restart the internet, etc. - I couldn't get it to work. But now, it's decided to like me again. Hopefully it will be a lasting relationship.

So, I will be back. I'm planning on resuming the 30 Day Challenge, but I can't guarantee it will update every day.

I will leave you with the fact that I'm so happy and excited to have my blog back. I may or may not be hugging my computer right now. Until the next post!

~ Sydney

Day 3: My Parents

This one is simple: My parents are freaking awesome.

Sure, I have my moments when I'm not too thrilled with them or I think I know better. Quite frankly, I'd be worried if I didn't. But in the end, they're the best parents. And I'm not exaggerating.

My mom is one of the best friends I've ever had. I've confided in her and told her all my secrets. And she's one of the best shoppers ever. Our mommy/daughter dates are awesome. If you want to know how cool she is, you could ask any of the CV music students. They all want her as their chaperon and know she bakes awesome treats. I spent all of my high school years in that program being known as "Annie's Daughter." She's fun and bubbly and draws people to her. Other than that, she is one of the most giving people I know. She dedicates her time to help almost everyone who asks. She's always listened to me and been the best example. She laid down the rules and expectations and expected me to follow them. When I thought I was too good for the rules and disobeyed them, she pulled me back in. She encourages me and pushes me, even when I want to give up. As I get older, she's started letting me make my own mistakes and learn to stand on my own two feet. And all the while, she stays this amazing example and guides me on my way.

My dad is one of my most favorite people. He's quiet and calm. One of those people who, when he opens his mouth, you know it's to say something important. I always wonder if he realizes how much I appreciate that. Even though he doesn't say much, I always know I can go to him. I can ask him for help with school work or about church, or just for his opinion. We can spend time just reading together or watching something or listening to music. And I love that he takes an interest in the stuff I like, even if he thinks it's ridiculous. The fact that he's quiet also makes those moments when he bursts out in random dancing or decides to be a complete goof all the more funny. I can't even count all the fond memories I have of him doing stuff like that. Or the movies and songs he's made fun of that always make me think of him because of that. He's steadfast and unwavering and I can always count on him.

I don't think words could describe everything they mean to me. Ever.

I can say that one of the things I love the most about them is that I know they are in love. I see it in the little looks they exchange or the way they reach across a small space to hold hands. Or in the way my dad still opens the door for my mom and treats her like a lady. The way they always want to go out together and spend time together. How they always want to help each other. It's truly a beautiful thing.

Like I said: My parents are freaking awesome!!

~Sydney

Day 2: My Crush

Okay, let's be honest here:

I do not have a real life crush.

Actually . . . I have two.

There is the lovely Mr. Monteith.

A leather jacket is always good.

Mmmmm-hmmm

Again with the leather! *swoon*

And, of course, the gorgeous Mr. Pattinson.

Oh hai there!

This picture makes me smile.  Too cute!

Wet Rob is hot for some reason.  Getting distracted here . . .

*drool*

Whoa, where was I?

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, they're not real crushes. I know.

I've had several crushes growing up. It's only natural, right? Some have worked themselves out, some have passed me by. Some make me look back and go, What the heck were you thinking?! I'm sure I could sit here and reminisce and tell you all these funny stories about previous flames, but I'm all about living for the now. Trying to move forward and all that guidance counselor crap. At least for the time being.

So who's my crush right now?  I'll tell you who.

Yep, you caught me. Books. Books are the source of my many crushes right now. How is this possible you say? Well, let me explain. Or at least try to without making myself look completely pathetic.

I don't really have my sights set on dating right now. Honestly, I'm more concerned about surviving school and figuring out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. At this point in time, I feel like if it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to go seek it out. Especially not around GCC.

That doesn't mean I've put my hopeless romantic nature aside. No, that part of me is alive and kicking. It doesn't look like it's going away anytime soon. To keep it satisfied, I read. And I read some more. Then I read a little more. Then I make a trip to the bookstore. And then I read again.

It's a perfect cycle.

The only problem is that I seem to find myself falling in love with many of the characters.

Let me get one thing straight: I KNOW they are fictional and don't exist. Just because I spend the majority of my time reading doesn't mean I've lost touch with reality.

Moving on . . .

I find myself drawn to certain characters in books. Sometimes it's a main character. Other times it's a minor, almost background character. It simply depends on the type of character. Sometimes I catch myself wishing a character were real so I could talk to them, hang out with them, and do whatever. I wish for their happiness, cheer for them through the story, and even cry for them when they are struggling. If there are sequels, I eagerly await for the time when I can enter their world again.

You know the saying, "Boys are better in books?"

In my limited experience, I find this to be true.

So bring on the fictional crushes!

~Sydney

Day 1: My Best Friend(s)

I obviously couldn't stay awake long enough last night, so you're getting two posts today if you're reading/following this challenge.


Let's start off with a difficult one. I'll be the first to admit that I don't let a lot of people in. See it as a fault or a quirk or whatever you like, but it's just who I am. Doesn't mean I'm unfriendly or anything. (At least I don't think I am . . . but maybe I'm wrong.) But when I do let people in, I really let them in. So picking my one best friend is pretty much impossible. I've got a bunch of people in my head, but I can't pick and I need to move on to the next paragraph.


Crap.


I guess we'll call this an ode to my best friends.


I've been blessed with some amazing people to stand by my side. You know who you are. I can't even begin to say how much that friendship has blessed my life. I'm a better person for knowing you and being able to call you my friends.


This is starting to sound cliche and sappy, but I'm telling the truth. Those people I call my best friends have stuck by me, even when I tried to shut them out. They waited patiently for me to let them in and are still by my side. That means more to me than almost anything else. That they fought to get in and haven't wavered in their loyalty is the mark of best friend material to me.

I couldn't be more blessed. I have the greatest best friends on the planet.


~Sydney

30 Day Challenge

Okay, I admit I stole this idea from Katie. The whole idea seemed so fun and it'll keep me updating the blog. So, Megan and I are embarking on this together to take up all 30 days of September. I'll post the first day shortly after this (if I can stay awake long enough) and then one post for each day based on the list we're all going from. Be sure to keep checking back! Who knows what will come of this!

Much love!

~Sydney

Food

I've embarked on quite an endeavor recently:

I'm finally going to eat right.

I've got a great coach, bought all the right types of food and snacks . . . but good grief if it isn't ridiculously hard.

I can't tell you how much I miss certain foods. And how much it drives me crazy that people around me just eat them without a care. I know not everyone eats the same way, but it just tests your willpower that much more.

So, to get it off my chest and to just torture myself more, I decided to make a list of the foods I miss. Both ones I knew I would when I started and ones I'm realizing I miss now that I can't have them.

- Chicken strips/nuggets/fingers: Big duh there. I can literally smell them whenever I get hungry. I just want some so bad!

- Cookies: I really want some cookies. Snickerdoodles. M&M cookies. Homemade oreos.

- Ice Cream: I want real ice cream. Especially after tasting a new flavor at Baskin Robins that was divine. Of course I would have it right before I decide to cut it out of my life.

- Snack foods: Popcorn. Pretzels. Tortilla chips and salsa or guacamole or queso. The list goes on and on.

- French fries: Yes. Please.

- Cheeseburgers: Turkey burgers are good for you, but they just don't taste the same.

- Chocolate: Need I say more?

I know there's tons more I could list, but now I'm getting crazy munchie.

Portion control, you say? Unfortunately, I know myself. I'm not good at portion control. So until I learn some, it's goodbye to all that good stuff.

Also, just because this made me laugh, I'm including it. It's how I feel every time I look in the fridge.

I'm gonna go eat my sugar free jell-o now . . .

Brick Wall

It's a scene we all know too well. The hero is going, going, running for all they're worth, certain life is good and things only get better and . . . WHAM!! Head first into a brick wall. Get up, get up, they're saying to themself. Sometimes it takes longer and sometimes they bounce right back up. They stare at the wall, looking for a way around or over and eventually, whether it's an obvious maneuver or one that takes a bit of thought, they make it to the other side and start running again.

I'm staring at that brick wall. I thought I had a glimpse of the other side. I thought I had found my way past it. . . .But there's no way over it. I've looked and looked and come to the realization that I'm stuck. I can't go around and I can't climb over. There are no loose bricks to tear at. I can't move forward. I'm being forced to stay right where I am, no matter how desperately I to get to the other side. This time, there's a key I need to be given to get through. It's out of my hands. I've given my all, spent time researching and deciding, and all I've got to show for it is a broken heart and crushed hopes.

Now I'm at my rope's end. I've cried and screamed and told that wall that it's not playing fair. I've insulted it and plead with it. It just stands there, immovable, denying me. In a matter of seconds, intense emotions have run through me. First: horrified, then upset, then furious, and now I'm just devastated. Everything's out of my hands.

I've got nothing but the imprints of bricks on my face to show for my trouble.

New Thing

Hi all! I know I've kind of been neglecting my blog lately, but I'm working on it. I'll be posting more in the future and I have quite a few book reviews to do. I'm not abandoning you!

This post is to introduce you to something different, however.

I've joined the Photo Prompt Writing Challenge team as a Tuesday writer. What does that mean? Well, I'll tell you. Each of us writers sends in two pictures we find/like once a week. All these pictures then go into a drawing that we also pull from. Once each of us has our pictures, we have to come up with a little short story (also known as a Oneshot) using one or both pictures we drew randomly. Once the story is written, it's posted on the blog. As a Tuesday writer, my story will go up on Tuesday each week. It can be either original fiction or Twilight fanfiction. (Meaning it's a story using the Twilight characters, whether they're vampires or not. Google it if you're confused.)

So head on over there and check it out. There are some really great authors that contribute. My first story goes up next week. I'm excited and nervous. I'd love to get feedback on my stuff. It helps me become a better writer.

The Photo Prompt blog is here and my penname is romanticvamp11. That's the awesome icon Nostalgicmiss made for me below and that identifies me on the site. I can't wait to start!

What You Want