Fifth Day

I spent the day watching movies and hanging out with the amazing Megan who is my best friend and just pure awesome. I couldn't have a better friend and sister with me during this time.

I hope she knows how grateful I am for her.

Anyways . . .

We wandered around the mall for a bit before our movie started. At one point, we sat down to share some pretzel bites. And as I stared around at all the people, I realized a big part of what's bothering me.

There's this undeniable sense of just being alone. I'm at a huge university, I live in an apartment with five other girls, I'm with Megan most of the time, but I feel so incredibly lonely.

And I just want my family. I want my little brother. I want my mom. I want my dad. I want that knowledge that they're always right there and I can see them if I want to.

But I don't have that.

I feel so lost; like this is such a waste of time. Yes, I want my education, but I have nothing else going for me. I'm not there with my family. I'm just floating.

I watch everyone interact and do their various social activities, but I don't feel like I belong. Even if I'm involved, it feels like it's not for me. Like this isn't where I'm supposed to be.

So I hold on to little moments of happiness. Sleep. Fictional stories. Laughter with my sister. Phone calls with my mom. I try to stretch them out to cover the loneliness. I try to make them last as long as possible.

Because right now, that's all I have.