Somehow, I found myself laughing and squealing and dancing in Megan's apartment. We partied and ate and watched a movie. I got to celebrate her being alive for twenty-one years.
I'd call that a fantastic day.
So yes, today was better. I got through my classes with some measure of enjoyment and even answered two questions in Italian class in the actual language and without sounding completely horrid.
And, maybe because I'm in an okay mood, I want to address something.
From the beginning, I've debated with myself if being as honest as I have been was the right way to go. I wanted to give everyone sunshine and rainbows and put on a smile. But from past experience, I've learned I can't write if I'm trying to deny my emotions, however cheesy that sounds. So here it is: my thoughts and feelings, 100% honestly.
In my LDS Literature class today, we talked about journals and blogging and whether or not you should censor yourself. Listening to everyone's opinions, I was able to form my own.
I'm quiet. I like to be unobserved while I watch everything. I don't like to be fussed over or drawn into the center of attention. I like to listen. Complaining or venting feels awkward to me. So I try not to do it. I put on a brave face and a smile, and I let the world think everything's fine.
This is where I can let it all out. This is where it's okay for me to vent and to say whatever I'm thinking and feeling. If no one reads it, oh well. It's out there and I know it exists. It's been let off my chest. If people read it and don't like it, no one's forcing them to continue coming back to read. If people read it and do like it, hopefully they're taking something from it. I hope those people know that I will forever be grateful for the time they take to read. (And it's okay to comment. I love hearing feedback. That's how we grow, right?)
Maybe what I'm trying to say is thank you. If you're reading this: thank you, thank you, thank you.
I can't pretend my problems don't exist. I can't ignore reality, no matter how much I may want to. The more I think about it, the more I realize I don't want to pretend (for too long a time, anyway). My life is what it is. There are going to be trials. There are going to be rough spots. And yes, right now is one of those times.
But going through it is going to make the good times that much sweeter. It's going to help me grow and be better in the long run. It'll help me appreciate just how much I really do have.
This blog is where I can tell things as they are. No faking, no pretending, just the honest truth. I'm telling my life as it is. I want to show that I am really living.
That I'm human.
So, even though my posts may be dark and miserable, some part of me deep down knows I'll get through it.
In the end, I'll have all of this to look back on.
And that makes all the honesty completely worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment