Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost . . . Or Are They?

I feel lost.

I used to think I knew exactly what I wanted out of life. Where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to be. Now, I don't seem to know anything.

I can't pinpoint when exactly this happened or why. All I know is that I'm questioning. Everything. Maybe I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Maybe I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's confusing and frustrating. I don't think I've ever doubted myself like I am now.

I like to think I'm a fairly normal person. Shouldn't someone normal know what they're doing? What they're feeling?

Maybe I'm not so normal after all. I'm a mess. I don't know what I'm doing or what all this stuff is that I'm feeling. Pain. Hurt. Fear of the unknown. Hope.

What I do know is that, right now, I'm wandering. And I'm not wandering with a purpose. Sorry, Mr. Tolkien, but I just don't agree with you right now. I would have a purpose, even if I was just meandering along.

For now, I just want to get in my car and drive or curl up with a friend. I suppose the dog will have to do. At least she won't tell anyone my secrets.

~Sydney