I know this post will probably set off alarms in your guys' heads. I promise, I'm not suicidal or anything, I'm just trying to figure out life. And unfortunately that includes some dark periods. I'm not looking for a magic cure, I'm just venting. And writers tend to be a little melodramatic so I guess take it all with a grain of salt.
So, back to not sleeping . . .
I was curled around my body pillow like always, listening to my iPod, staring at the window where the moonlight was coming in. Quite beautiful cinematography if you were shooting a movie with some actress in my place. I had my Sleep playlist on to try and lull myself to sleep. It wasn't working. My mind was going crazy and I couldn't get it to shut off.
I've been told to stop caring. I've been told to grow tougher skin. I just don't know how to do that. I wish I did. For right now, I'll be grateful that I care. Grateful that I can be upset that I made a friend mad. Grateful that I can be worried about where my life is going.
Maybe I just need a good cry. I know there have been several frustrated tear meltdowns the past couple days, but that's not really letting it all out.
I suppose it's only a matter of time before this all clears up, but I think when it eventually happens, I'll appreciate things a lot more than I did. I've never been one to quote scripture, but right now, this seems so appropriate:
My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
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